Playing Mummy

Saturday, after much deliberation, once again he shouts about having to do things according to "my rules" before getting his own way again. I am so weak yet so fed up of being bullied by him. I state that we never do my rules but always his and it goes without comment.

So, because I need for my sons to see their father I agree to them once again going to his new house. I am very aware of his treating this new girlfriend the way he once treated me. Hold her at arms length from anyone who may just tell her the truth about him. I see him use his sons the way he once used his nephew with me, playing happy families on days out.

He wants unsupervised access but he is playing his game well. He is never unsupervised because his new girlfriend is always there, playing mummy with my sons. She is trying to buy their love and because he does not know or understand them he is allowing her to.

Of course, he can now paint me as the jealous ex. I see the relish in his eyes as he realises this. He does not understand, nor does he wish to, that my annoyance has nothing to do with this poor woman who is alarmingly very like his sister in attitude. To me he acts as though she is demanding to be present at every outing. I know she is there because he cannot look after his own sons himself. He is pretending to her that he is the caring father who is battling his awful ex just to see his own boys. I wonder what he tells her because I would imagine the last thing he would ever want is for me to speak to her directly.

I would bet money that she knows nothing of the debts he left with us. I would bet money that she knows nothing of the way he treated me for years, and I allowed him to I am guilty of that. I would bet money she knows nothing of the lies and manipulation that she has just walked into.

And he is counting on his control of me to remain such that she will never find out.

So he twists the knife. Makes sure her constant attendence for every visit is a source of irritation for me. Joy to him that my sons are confident enough in themselves to like her (not realising that she is to them a friend, I am their mother and that is that.) I see his game, I know his plans and from this moment on I will not enter into it.

Does he want me to be jealous of her? Does he want me to argue, shout, have hysterics? The Stokes family trait, as laid down in law by his mother, is for the smallest thing to become a huge drama. Not for them the idea of finding a solution for a problem, instead the problem would be magnified unnecessarily with much wringing of hands and grand statements. It was never my way, at best I was bemused by the whole rigmarole for every single issue.

Time for this to stop. From now on I must put effort into not partaking of the nonsense. Of taking a step back. Amazingly I have found that in the past few weeks little parts of my character, ones that I thought had died long ago, are resurfacing. The person I once was before I fell for the manipulation and lies is coming back. And about time too.