Clarifying The Situation

The lies I fell for, fool that I am.

I knew we were in arrears in our rent due to a mix up last year, I believed him when he told me he was paying that off and we only had a tiny amount left to pay. Lie, he paid none of it so therefore I am.

Of the budget I worked out each month, from the amount he told me was there because the statements were always "fine" I carefully organised the bills, which he dealt with and the household money, which I dealt with. The rent was worked out and he always handed the cheque in so where did the rest go?

Also bills such as the gas, which seems to have fallen by the wayside. The amount owed on that is eye-watering yet this was supposed to be paid through bill payments. He would go off with the phone and come back, all is paid, all is well.

He used my credit card for months, without my knowledge, without my consent. Unfortunately for him they sent me an unmarked letter when the limit went over and a payment was missed. What did he spend the money on?

The council tax also wasn't getting paid. I had set up a direct debit which he subsequently cancelled. Again the amount is enough to cause sleepless nights for life, we are talking arrears over several years here.

These are only the ones I have been left with. He owes a lot more to a lot more companies but as they are not attached to this address they have gone off after him. So I am left with the rest.

This is my punishment for trusting and believing in someone and for loving them enough to let them fool me completely. My punishment for being so involved in caring for my twins, in helping out and volunteering and trying to be everything to everybody (including him who I did so much for, nothing was enough and he was never satisfied) and all the time the rot was setting in. The rot that eats at my soul, guilt at never having guessed at what was going on. While we laughed and joked and I wondered why he never joined in wholeheartedly, tried to find out the problem and again and again was fobbed off.

Here I am, left to deal with these, the largest amounts he owes, as far as I know anyway. It feels good though to know that now I am in full charge that the direct debits are sent, the bills paid on time. It is just these debts that cause the problems, I don't have the means to pay them off, he knows this and he knows that while he enjoys his new life he can still control mine through the purse strings.