I have never thought myself particularly dumb before. Oh certainly there are what I call 'senior moments' which are allowed, even in the mid-thirties, if one has children. However the fact that even now he can still manipulate the situation, knowing what my reactions will be, must make me the biggest idiot ever.
I just can't stop though. As I scrabble about to get enough together to make the next weeks deadlines I know I will not phone to say that he has left me dangerously short. What is the point? This is how he wins, this is how he gets to live a life stress free while I have to go on. Knowing that I hate to be living a life like this, knowing how carefully I had always been for these situations never to occur until that moment where, through persuasion, I took my eye off the ball as the saying goes. Knowing that he has made a joke of everything I considered a value. Slowly I am rebuilding my life and piecing together again the person I was and the person I should have remained, before I got carried away making excuses for him.
The mess just gets deeper and stickier and I don't even tell him that I am aware of what he is doing. What would be the point. He hasn't learned any lesson, he continues as he has always done and he relishes that I cannot stop him.
No comments:
Post a Comment