If I had a theme tune it would be this at the moment.
Today, not good. He phones, acts like I am keeping his sons from him, fails to understand my position, fails to see anything from any other viewpoint but his own. Uses my own sons as pawns in his game. Complains that these are my rules when what he demands is that I do things by his rules. Twists and turns and all the same, again I am blamed for not doing as he says.
He does not see how his actions have come across, does not see that he is being unreasonable in expecting me to allow my sons to go, alone, into a car with someone who only recently talked of killing himself (and who today said to me "You'd be glad if I just jumped off a bridge" this is how he talks of killing himself, off a bridge by jumping or driving) who acts like I am this awful person. Who is using any little jibe he can at the moment to get me to rise to the bait. He fails to see that he is hurting the boys, he fails to see that I have and still would bend over backwards to accommodate his seeing them but that considering all he has done and said I am scared, yes bloody scared, to let him drive off with my sons.
So I shall be portrayed as the baddie. The mean ex who denies access when really all I have done is ask for one small thing, one tiny thing that any other father would jump on for the chance to see his children. I nearly give in, I nearly do but I have far more to lose in this, I have my sons to lose and no amount of emotional blackmail, no amount of shouting that I am laying down the rules will make me put my sons in a situation I am not comfortable with.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, I'm going to need advice from people who deal with this all the time, I need help to get over what he has done to me over the years.
Just because this doesn't leave a visable bruise doesn't mean the pain is not significant.
I'm getting stronger. I'm getting stronger.
1 comment:
Good for people to know.
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