Apart from the financial side (which will stress and worry me until I pluck up enough courage to contact a solicitor) this is feeling a lot less awful now.
Of course it is difficult when he visits the boys. I cannot speak to him over finances or he goes nuts, again I think I may need a solicitor and I really have never trusted them. I don't trust him either though.
It will all fall into place.
It will get better.
It will be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I have to get out of this town but his ability to get us into arrears with the rent means I am stuck here, I need a miracle. I need a winning lottery ticket. I need to pay off the debts he has left me with even though he promises that he will pay them I believe it when I see it happen.
Inside I am exhausted. Looking after the boys, looking for work, organising and sorting everything out. I just want to lie down and sleep for a week. It is nice having my bed to myself, although I miss cuddles, it is nice to have the house tidy and clean. I will keep telling myself these positives so I no longer feel the loss of a friend (though a false one) and love.
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