The Christmas tree is up, the house is decorated and the boys are excited about the coming present-fest. It won't be as much as in previous years but they will get what they wanted (I am thankful for having children who like simple things that don't cost much.)

This month is going to be the one we have to get through. Not so much emotionally as financially or perhaps equally amounts of both. I know what my Christmas wish would be.

There is not so much to be said for being too introspective and I sometimes wonder if other people get through these situations easier. Then I find out some don't and some can't. Perhaps I will get through this relatively unscathed. I am not the one I worry about.

I do not grieve for what I have lost but for what I realise I never had in the first place. And at this time of the year it becomes even more apparent.

At some point I will be able to sleep again, that would be nice.