Its A Rich Man's World

All the things I could do, if I had a little money....

Y'know I used to sing that song, when it first came out, I don't remember how old I was exactly at the time but still in Primary school young.

I wonder what will happen. He has not answered the lawyer's letter so it looks like it will go to court in the New Year. He will regret not agreeing to the whatsitcalled as I doubt he will be let off so lightly when the court reviews what he isn't paying.

He didn't pay what he owes for the debts he left. Nevermind child maintenance, he quit his job so he wouldn't have to pay for that. But now he leaves me short of money so I can't look after my sons properly.

One day soon this will not be an issue. One day soon I will not have to forget to pay bills because he has done this. One day soon I will be confident in his paying up in full and on time and perhaps even giving me money to pay for things. I don't know what he thinks I do with the money but every penny goes towards paying the bills he left me with. It sometimes gets me down, the unfairness of it all, that he can skip off and not worry himself about them. When I step back and look at the scale of deceit that went on it is breathtaking. That someone so unimaginative could work things so brilliantly.

While my head is still fuzzy with the cold I realise this won't make much sense. But I see now how I allowed it to happen that he can blame most things on me and because I was so busy trying to keep his miserable arse happy I left myself wide open to the misunderstanding. Because I trusted and believed him. Because I was loyal enough to take his side. And now, with his shiny new family he can pretend everything that happened previously was to do with me and not to do with him and his lies. And because he is their father he can involve the boys with the nonsense, pretending that when they defend me they do so not because it is the truth but because I am some sad, jealous wreck of a person still clinging on bitterly to the past.

But there is some comfort in knowing how far I have come and that the person he is portraying to others for his own reason is as far from the truth as is everything he invents. It is just the money issue that causes concern and once that is sorted...