I knew when he told me that she couldn't have children that it was a lie as he knew how much I longed for another.
So now she is pregnant. When he said, last summer, that he wanted another baby too I just didn't realise he meant not with me. To think that this month I haven't enough money to pay the bills, to think that I am at the lowest ebb ever, to think I cannot see any way out of this at all.
The unfairness of it all is devastating. More so because now I think of what the boys will think of it. Will they see this other family being made and feel left out? Will they want to be part of that rather than this fractured existence with me? I feel so hollow inside. All I ever wanted was a family, was to be loved and love in return. I never asked for much which is just as well as now I have nothing and nothing to give my two wonderful sons.
2 comments:
Given that I don't know you and rarely even post a comment here, would it be a bit odd of me to say "Oh, Sweetie", and offer you a virtual hug? I'll risk it anyway... Life sucks sometimes.
But I know you _do_ have an awful lot to offer your kids. Things like love, consistency, stability etc. etc. From what you write you sound like a great mum, and I think you're doing the best you possibly can in these awful circumstances.
Hang in there.
Thank you Jane, virtual or not it is much appreciated!
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