Speaking with one of his ex-colleagues I learned some truths, ones I already knew despite his denying them.
Unbelievably he tried to pretend to them that nothing was going on. Bidey-in works in one place and he worked in another but it was the same company.
Amazingly the ex-colleagues side with me on this. They told him he was being incredibly stupid throwing away a marriage and children on that. He was a flirt, I knew that, I never minded that - window shopping is perfectly acceptable. Bidey-in seems to have responded to this flirting in a way that made him want to leave us for her.
And I am so glad he did now.
My only problem is the silly games he plays with the boys. They are unnecessary, but he will drive them away without my doing anything. It is a shame but that is what he is all about.
And I know that as soon as this new baby is born he will try and set them against this new child who has done nothing wrong but to share the same useless article of a father.
I will find out more as I am friends with this person, before we realised our common link. The natural progression will reveal more. But I have a feeling it will just confirm what I feel I already knew.
Saturday, 21 June 2008
Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies
Today he made an utter arse of himself at the children's gala day, upsetting eldest son to the point where I had to work really hard to stop his whole day being spoiled. Yet he did this in front of everyone, his bizarre behaviour, the way his world revolves entirely around him. Ach, it is ridiculous. He travels all the way from his new house, apparently with her in tow as there is no show without Punch after all, to spend a few seconds distracting the boys?
I find out also that he has told the CSA several different stories and when challenged, has changed them. He is supposedly not working at his main job anymore yet he tells me he is and he drives a Range Rover that is a "company car" according to him. I don't know who he is lying to.
I still don't know his new address. He has told me a street name but as it is the main street in that town I don't know if that is true or not. I have said he cannot take the boys there until I have actually seen this house where they will spend time. And I mean see him go into the house with them. Yes, I do not trust him at all.
He continues his nonsense and I do not see the point. Is this some kind of mental health issue? I have a feeling it is and I felt that during the farce of a marriage too. I was battling against something, this thing that prevented him from actually enjoying what he had instead of inventing problems or blowing them out of proportion.
I find out also that he has told the CSA several different stories and when challenged, has changed them. He is supposedly not working at his main job anymore yet he tells me he is and he drives a Range Rover that is a "company car" according to him. I don't know who he is lying to.
I still don't know his new address. He has told me a street name but as it is the main street in that town I don't know if that is true or not. I have said he cannot take the boys there until I have actually seen this house where they will spend time. And I mean see him go into the house with them. Yes, I do not trust him at all.
He continues his nonsense and I do not see the point. Is this some kind of mental health issue? I have a feeling it is and I felt that during the farce of a marriage too. I was battling against something, this thing that prevented him from actually enjoying what he had instead of inventing problems or blowing them out of proportion.
I ramble on. It is one of those days.
Saturday, 14 June 2008
I've Got One Like That At Home
Speaking to a friend I haven't seen in a good long while.
Her ex has gotten his new bit up the duff too.
He has phoned her and spoken rather candidly about it.
Are they being cloned somewhere? These immature men who stamp all over us and then expect us to be there for them like we are their mothers?
She can't tell her son, we talked about this. I explained that the boys knew about it because Idiot's new bit can't stop showing them what she has bought for it recently while Idiot complains about having no money. Her boy took the separation worse than mine did, he had a dad who played with him and actually interacted with him on a daily basis. It is going to be difficult but why should she take the brunt of telling her son. Because she loves him, and that's where it gets us. We love our children, we try and protect them and do best by them to heal the wound caused by the family ripping apart. Not for us is the parenting for a few hours only.
I hear how my sons talk about their dad, this new baby and I ache for them as I can't make it better. I cannot defend their dad, I don't badmouth him but at the same time I feel that if I try and make it sound like everything was alright then they'll get confused about how they feel. So I let them talk, I listen, I hug and then we get on with things.
He expects me to tell the boys to love this new baby. How do I do that? Why should I do that? It is not my place and we do not talk about it, but if my sons bring it up then all I can do is hear what they say. I don't have experience of coming from a broken family, the new bit does yet seems to have learned nothing from it as she has cack-handed this from the start.
I was also speaking with someone who worked with Idiot. This at the place he worked, before he was sent to the other site, where he met her. His colleagues knew all about it, from what I heard not only did they think him incredibly stupid to throw away what he had but that they did not think as highly of him as he said they did! Now why aren't I surprised.
They know he is with her, they know about the new baby and disapprove. Good for them. This workmate has an ex too, he lives near me. Since his new bit got a ring on her finger she has banned the workmate from the house.
In a crazy world cake the new bit is the cherry on the top.
Her ex has gotten his new bit up the duff too.
He has phoned her and spoken rather candidly about it.
Are they being cloned somewhere? These immature men who stamp all over us and then expect us to be there for them like we are their mothers?
She can't tell her son, we talked about this. I explained that the boys knew about it because Idiot's new bit can't stop showing them what she has bought for it recently while Idiot complains about having no money. Her boy took the separation worse than mine did, he had a dad who played with him and actually interacted with him on a daily basis. It is going to be difficult but why should she take the brunt of telling her son. Because she loves him, and that's where it gets us. We love our children, we try and protect them and do best by them to heal the wound caused by the family ripping apart. Not for us is the parenting for a few hours only.
I hear how my sons talk about their dad, this new baby and I ache for them as I can't make it better. I cannot defend their dad, I don't badmouth him but at the same time I feel that if I try and make it sound like everything was alright then they'll get confused about how they feel. So I let them talk, I listen, I hug and then we get on with things.
He expects me to tell the boys to love this new baby. How do I do that? Why should I do that? It is not my place and we do not talk about it, but if my sons bring it up then all I can do is hear what they say. I don't have experience of coming from a broken family, the new bit does yet seems to have learned nothing from it as she has cack-handed this from the start.
I was also speaking with someone who worked with Idiot. This at the place he worked, before he was sent to the other site, where he met her. His colleagues knew all about it, from what I heard not only did they think him incredibly stupid to throw away what he had but that they did not think as highly of him as he said they did! Now why aren't I surprised.
They know he is with her, they know about the new baby and disapprove. Good for them. This workmate has an ex too, he lives near me. Since his new bit got a ring on her finger she has banned the workmate from the house.
In a crazy world cake the new bit is the cherry on the top.
Saturday, 24 May 2008
Playing Happy Families
A little back story first of all:
When I first met and then married him I knew his family weren't exactly normal. Well, what family is. He had a mother who was alcoholic, a father who was distant and alcoholic, a much elder brother and a control-freak sister. Of course this was all told to me, as reasons why he wanted to maintain a distance and I respected his wishes, fool that I am.
So for years the story was fueled with tales of his sister saying this, his mother doing that. I felt annoyed at how poorly they treated him, out of loyalty to him. When I was expecting the boys the game went up a gear, I realise it was a game now. As a result the boys have never really known their other family, their cousin six-years-older than them. And I let him do it.
Imagine my surprise today as he barely concealed the smirk on his face as he told me that he, sorry, they had taken the boys out to a country park near where we are from. There they met up with sister and cousin and all had a lovely afternoon together.
Wasn't that nice.
This is presumably to notch up my paranoia a little, to make me feel even more insecure and totally alone. How sister and her got on so well with each other. Lovely.
I don't get why he does these things still. What can he hope to achieve that hasn't already been done?
When I first met and then married him I knew his family weren't exactly normal. Well, what family is. He had a mother who was alcoholic, a father who was distant and alcoholic, a much elder brother and a control-freak sister. Of course this was all told to me, as reasons why he wanted to maintain a distance and I respected his wishes, fool that I am.
So for years the story was fueled with tales of his sister saying this, his mother doing that. I felt annoyed at how poorly they treated him, out of loyalty to him. When I was expecting the boys the game went up a gear, I realise it was a game now. As a result the boys have never really known their other family, their cousin six-years-older than them. And I let him do it.
Imagine my surprise today as he barely concealed the smirk on his face as he told me that he, sorry, they had taken the boys out to a country park near where we are from. There they met up with sister and cousin and all had a lovely afternoon together.
Wasn't that nice.
This is presumably to notch up my paranoia a little, to make me feel even more insecure and totally alone. How sister and her got on so well with each other. Lovely.
I don't get why he does these things still. What can he hope to achieve that hasn't already been done?
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
I Predict
That by the end of this year I will not be the only one who needs a blog for theraputic-don't-take-it-out-at-home reasons.
Fuel.
Tax.
Nosy governments losing details.
It is enough for anyone to give up all hope. It is a struggle at the best of times.
Fuel.
Tax.
Nosy governments losing details.
It is enough for anyone to give up all hope. It is a struggle at the best of times.
Monday, 12 May 2008
The War In His Letter
Communications from the lawyer.
He has written a letter (I say he, but I am more than certain he had 'help') that must be the truth in his mind yet is so far removed from reality I am once again perplexed...and more than a little frustrated. This must be how it feels when you give instructions to someone and they go and do a completely different action.
He left with only his clothes he says. Which must mean he wears the dvds, computers and other assorted junk he took as well.
He has been paying me child maintenance straight into my bank account. Must be invisible money as neither I nor the CSA have had so much as a penny. The debts he pays are debts and nothing to do with supporting his children, or is that wrong?
He changed address so I wouldn't be bothered by his mail. Yet it has only been in the past few months, actually since I started writing her address on the envelope before posting them back, that letters and thankfully phone calls have finally dried up.
He only gets to see the boys for a couple of hours every 3 weeks or so. Does that mean the entire day he spends with them, for example picking them up at 9:30 and dropping them off at about 5ish? Or perhaps the fact he can pick them up from school, he can take them to dinner, he can spend time with him during the week anytime he wants (and the two times in the past fortnight he has done so) doesn't count. Or the offer I gave that as long as I have a few days notice he can see them whenever he wants was misunderstood? Maybe he is confused at the amount of times he was supposed to turn up and didn't bother.
That is the one lie I hate the most. That he wants to make out I keep his sons from him. He hints strongly that all he wants is for his sons to come and spend the night at his house. He has forgotten the important thing, the thing that is beyond whatever points he tries to score - and forgetting I no longer play the game. He hasn't asked the boys. I have, they don't want to go. In fact they are happier when he picks them up during the week as they spend time with their daddy alone. He doesn't get this, he doesn't understand that perhaps they are unhappy with his girlfriend being in constant attendance, like a prison guard. They want to spend time with their daddy, just the three of them. The worst mistake he makes in this is presuming I can control how my sons feel and how they think. The worst mistake is even thinking I would do this to them, knowing my stance on boys, children, needing their fathers.
He has written a letter (I say he, but I am more than certain he had 'help') that must be the truth in his mind yet is so far removed from reality I am once again perplexed...and more than a little frustrated. This must be how it feels when you give instructions to someone and they go and do a completely different action.
He left with only his clothes he says. Which must mean he wears the dvds, computers and other assorted junk he took as well.
He has been paying me child maintenance straight into my bank account. Must be invisible money as neither I nor the CSA have had so much as a penny. The debts he pays are debts and nothing to do with supporting his children, or is that wrong?
He changed address so I wouldn't be bothered by his mail. Yet it has only been in the past few months, actually since I started writing her address on the envelope before posting them back, that letters and thankfully phone calls have finally dried up.
He only gets to see the boys for a couple of hours every 3 weeks or so. Does that mean the entire day he spends with them, for example picking them up at 9:30 and dropping them off at about 5ish? Or perhaps the fact he can pick them up from school, he can take them to dinner, he can spend time with him during the week anytime he wants (and the two times in the past fortnight he has done so) doesn't count. Or the offer I gave that as long as I have a few days notice he can see them whenever he wants was misunderstood? Maybe he is confused at the amount of times he was supposed to turn up and didn't bother.
That is the one lie I hate the most. That he wants to make out I keep his sons from him. He hints strongly that all he wants is for his sons to come and spend the night at his house. He has forgotten the important thing, the thing that is beyond whatever points he tries to score - and forgetting I no longer play the game. He hasn't asked the boys. I have, they don't want to go. In fact they are happier when he picks them up during the week as they spend time with their daddy alone. He doesn't get this, he doesn't understand that perhaps they are unhappy with his girlfriend being in constant attendance, like a prison guard. They want to spend time with their daddy, just the three of them. The worst mistake he makes in this is presuming I can control how my sons feel and how they think. The worst mistake is even thinking I would do this to them, knowing my stance on boys, children, needing their fathers.
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
The War In His Head
Strange how a phone conversation can be distorted to listeners hearing only one side.
Injustice bothers me. I hate being thought of as something I am not.
I see how he paints me and it is not the truth. But they will believe it.
He enjoys the games, he enjoys the lies, he enjoys the fabric of the life he thinks he is living.
Now I can see it I know how to disassociate myself from it but it is hard. The hardest thing is seeing how my sons will be played. Luckily they possess far more knowledge than their father, to the point I heard them discuss the pregnancy and how it wasn't right because "daddy hasn't known A* long enough." From 6 year olds.
How do you deal with a request to "find another daddy, one who will play with us instead of going on the computer"? Wish I had boys, and wish I could.
Injustice bothers me. I hate being thought of as something I am not.
I see how he paints me and it is not the truth. But they will believe it.
He enjoys the games, he enjoys the lies, he enjoys the fabric of the life he thinks he is living.
Now I can see it I know how to disassociate myself from it but it is hard. The hardest thing is seeing how my sons will be played. Luckily they possess far more knowledge than their father, to the point I heard them discuss the pregnancy and how it wasn't right because "daddy hasn't known A* long enough." From 6 year olds.
How do you deal with a request to "find another daddy, one who will play with us instead of going on the computer"? Wish I had boys, and wish I could.
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