An old Cherokee woman is telling her granddaughter about a fight that is going on inside her.
She said it is between two wolves.
One is evil: Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is good: Joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
The granddaughter thought about it for a moment and then asked her grandmother, "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee woman simply replied,
"The one I feed."
Sunday 25 November 2007
When I Know Something Important Is Happening...
...avoid the phone. Seriously; I have realised that whenever something big is about to commence in my life, something that will take up my attention to the point I won't want to stress about anything else - he kicks off.
So I am screening calls this weekend.
My boys are in childcare next week, for a short time before and after school, while I take my induction course for becoming a proper wage slave again in January.
Whilst doing my last OU course it always seemed to be that a drama would occur around about the exact same time as an assignment was due. Without fail. Drama brought on from nothing as well, a speciality of his mother when she was alive (at one point the story went that she was to have her arm amputated - you couldn't make this up! She didn't and I was never brave enough to challenge it, although the wicked side was sorely tempted.)
I would have hoped that these drama-queen moments were in the past. A phone message left late last week indicated otherwise. I will do my best to avoid it. Let her deal with his attitude now.
So I am screening calls this weekend.
My boys are in childcare next week, for a short time before and after school, while I take my induction course for becoming a proper wage slave again in January.
Whilst doing my last OU course it always seemed to be that a drama would occur around about the exact same time as an assignment was due. Without fail. Drama brought on from nothing as well, a speciality of his mother when she was alive (at one point the story went that she was to have her arm amputated - you couldn't make this up! She didn't and I was never brave enough to challenge it, although the wicked side was sorely tempted.)
I would have hoped that these drama-queen moments were in the past. A phone message left late last week indicated otherwise. I will do my best to avoid it. Let her deal with his attitude now.
Sunday 18 November 2007
This Was The End
There was I, in a moment of elation last week, thinking that it would soon be time to wind this section of my life up. How much navel-gazing can a person do after all?
I had wanted this separated from my ordinary blog due to the nature of the posts. I wanted a place to come and...lets face it have a bloody good moan. And I've had a lot to moan about. I've always been of the opinion that when you have a problem get it off your mind by having a gripe then solve it. Otherwise you just twist yourself into pieces.
I've had my gripe and still found myself twisting away!
There is still a need for this blog to continue, it seems like I get an answer, shown a way out of our current situation, only to find another problem lying in the way. Oh if only it were only one problem, usually it is two or three. I know what I want to happen, I know if only I could get a hand up from somewhere, get given a clear run without worries and stresses about the mess he left behind -what a huge difference that would make.
I was given a great compliment, sent wrapped in an email and an option for that job I so wanted. After not believing in myself for so long it nearly made me cry to hear someone say they saw something worthwhile. So I will do my best, enjoy my job when it starts in the new year and ignore the fact that due to the ridiculous situation this country is in, it will probably financially kill us.
I had wanted this separated from my ordinary blog due to the nature of the posts. I wanted a place to come and...lets face it have a bloody good moan. And I've had a lot to moan about. I've always been of the opinion that when you have a problem get it off your mind by having a gripe then solve it. Otherwise you just twist yourself into pieces.
I've had my gripe and still found myself twisting away!
There is still a need for this blog to continue, it seems like I get an answer, shown a way out of our current situation, only to find another problem lying in the way. Oh if only it were only one problem, usually it is two or three. I know what I want to happen, I know if only I could get a hand up from somewhere, get given a clear run without worries and stresses about the mess he left behind -what a huge difference that would make.
I was given a great compliment, sent wrapped in an email and an option for that job I so wanted. After not believing in myself for so long it nearly made me cry to hear someone say they saw something worthwhile. So I will do my best, enjoy my job when it starts in the new year and ignore the fact that due to the ridiculous situation this country is in, it will probably financially kill us.
Thursday 15 November 2007
Why Do Liars Bother?
Even when you find out the truth, even when you have proof that the lie exists, even when the lie is pointless.
Why go on?
Why keep on lying? Why deny the truth when it is there for all to see?
I just don't understand it. And I never will. Is the lie more important than anything else?
Why go on?
Why keep on lying? Why deny the truth when it is there for all to see?
I just don't understand it. And I never will. Is the lie more important than anything else?
Sunday 11 November 2007
Gaining Perspective
Wednesday 7 November 2007
Monday 5 November 2007
Some Day....
I know some day, when I am out of this situation properly, I will laugh til I am sick. You know that photo of Nicole Kidman, when she divorced wee Tom Cruise and was pictured outside the lawyer's office, arms outstretched and face tilted up to the sun with a look of relief on it - I understand that now. I get where she was coming from.
He is now sending emails stating that I should get over him as he has moved on!!! So I have explained, in as plain terms as possible, that I wouldn't take him back if he were covered in gold and dipped in chocolate. He has such an ego, such a selfish swine.
He also presumed that I would be buying him presents (plural) from the boys to him. Well, at school the boys have designed their Christmas card, he can get one of those and that is all. There was also a strange invite for him to pick them up on Saturday for dinner so I asked the boys if they wanted to go to dinner with daddy and her and they looked at me like I had gone mad. No, says eldest, daddy won't play with me then! I like our weekends, they are so much more relaxed than when he was here. The dinner invitation is strange and I can only assume it was to introduce the boys to other people in his new life. Do I force them to go?
He is now sending emails stating that I should get over him as he has moved on!!! So I have explained, in as plain terms as possible, that I wouldn't take him back if he were covered in gold and dipped in chocolate. He has such an ego, such a selfish swine.
He also presumed that I would be buying him presents (plural) from the boys to him. Well, at school the boys have designed their Christmas card, he can get one of those and that is all. There was also a strange invite for him to pick them up on Saturday for dinner so I asked the boys if they wanted to go to dinner with daddy and her and they looked at me like I had gone mad. No, says eldest, daddy won't play with me then! I like our weekends, they are so much more relaxed than when he was here. The dinner invitation is strange and I can only assume it was to introduce the boys to other people in his new life. Do I force them to go?
Thursday 1 November 2007
Interestingly...
Despite all the stories of insurance companies trying every trick not to pay out it would seem that mine, at least, wasn't too bothered once I had explained the whole sorry scenario. Well, I have told them that the neighbour was driving, not the owner of the car so they cannot say I didn't tell them at any future date. According to another neighbour who saw the accident she was travelling at some speed and apparently always drives erratically, well you would if you had never had a licence. I just get all the luck. This is my first ever car accident in the 18 years* I have been driving and not something I wish to ever repeat.
All in all I now have the excess to pay. Is this going to continue until I go bust? I didn't sleep easy before, it is near impossible now.
And I miss our dog. I miss him terribly. I find myself scanning the ads even though I know I lack the funds to support so much as a goldfish right now, even though I know I have always bought rescue and not through the ads. I wish I could have our dog back and worst of all so do the boys.
*I look at that and feel really old now. It is true, I passed on 11 October 1989, a couple of months before I turned 18. That means that next year it will have been 20 years since I left high school, oh god. Procrastination for 20 years, it should be outlawed. Makes me realise the importance of school kids leaving school with some idea of where they want their lives to go rather than just dotting from unsatisfying job to unsatisfying job and wasting the best years.
All in all I now have the excess to pay. Is this going to continue until I go bust? I didn't sleep easy before, it is near impossible now.
And I miss our dog. I miss him terribly. I find myself scanning the ads even though I know I lack the funds to support so much as a goldfish right now, even though I know I have always bought rescue and not through the ads. I wish I could have our dog back and worst of all so do the boys.
*I look at that and feel really old now. It is true, I passed on 11 October 1989, a couple of months before I turned 18. That means that next year it will have been 20 years since I left high school, oh god. Procrastination for 20 years, it should be outlawed. Makes me realise the importance of school kids leaving school with some idea of where they want their lives to go rather than just dotting from unsatisfying job to unsatisfying job and wasting the best years.
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